Fear thou not ; for I am with thee

Yesterday at Church we had a beautiful lesson from our sweet Relief Society President about having No Fear. The following Scripture was the main focus of the lesson.

Fear thou not; for I am with thee:
be not dismayed; for I am thy God:
I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee;
yea, I will uphold thee....
For I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand,
Saying unto thee, Fear not: I will help thee.
Isaiah 41: 10,13

This scripture truly touched me because I KNOW it is true. Our Heavenly Father is with us and he doesn't want us to be afraid. He WILL strengthen us, He WILL help us and He WILL take our hand and show us the way.

I know it is true because He HAS Strengthen me, He HAS helped me and HE has given me his hand and led the way.

I haven't told many people about what I am going to share....as it is private and very personal but as I listened in Relief Society to the lesson and heard our Relief Society President say that we encourage our Faith when we keep a record of God's blessings and tender mercies in our lives.....I knew exactly what I needed to do. I needed to do just that.

About 6 months ago my world was turned upside down. My husband who has battled Depression off and on our entire marriage....but who has never took any medication, hit rock bottom. I was scared. Yes he had bouts of depression many times before but he always snapped out of it after buying a new plane or some other new toy. Yes not the healthiest way of self medicating but it had worked for him. This time was very, VERY different. He was in a very sad and dark place and although he didn't ever say or even hint that he was suicidal. I couldn't shake the feeling that he was.

One Sunday he told me that he wasn't going to go to Church that day, that he didn't feel up to it. I left with the kids as I was suppose to give the opening Prayer in Sacrament that day. I sat in Sacrament and I knew that I needed to go home. I felt the spirit very strongly tell me to go home immediately. Quickly after I said a horrible and very scattered prayer I left church...leaving my kids in Sacrament, to go home. I wasn't sure what I would find when I got home but I knew that the spirit told me to get home. When I arrived home I found the door had been locked so I went in through the garage. I found Mike perfectly fine walking about the house. No words were said, but relief over came me. Later, after much communicating and probing he confided in me that he was going to do the unthinkable.

I knew he needed help and needed it quickly. I had never seen him so hopeless. I made an appointment the next day for a Dr and in we went. He was prescribed an Anti Depressant and I although I was relieved, I knew it wasn't going to solve the issue over night.

Later that week my Daughters had their Dance recital. All 4 of our sweet daughters were performing and in multiple dances. When it came time to leave my husband informed me he wasn't going to be going. I was crushed, I was mad but most of all I was scared.

I left, as I didn't really know what else to do. After arriving at the School where the Recital was to take place I went to save seats for some friends. Mikes Mom was supposed to be coming down from Layton but I was on my own. Right before I was going to take Azalea to the waiting room she started to act a little funny and just wanted me to hold her. All of a sudden she threw up....all down my shirt. I ran to the bathroom where I proceeded to clean the both of us up. The show was to start in just minutes and there I was, the only one there at the time to support my daughters. I was devastated and was sobbing. Azalea almost immediately acted like she felt better and after getting into a new costume we went back into the auditorium to watch my other girls start to perform. In between my older girls dances I took Azalea back to the waiting room to perform. I was still an emotional mess. I was scared that she was going to get sick again and throw up on stage. In the mean time my Mother in-law and a few of Mikes Younger siblings arrived. I couldn't really even talk...I just sat in the back of the auditorium and silently cried. I had finally hit my breaking point. After the recital my Mother In-law asked if she could come over and talk with Mike. I of course had told her yes. As I drove home still smelling like Puke, still silently crying worrying what I was going to find when I got home. I began to feel more and more sorry for myself. I felt angry and I felt alone.

After I got home and saw that my husband was perfectly fine I hurried on upstairs to take a shower. Afterwords I laid in bed and ugly cried. I literally sobbed hysterically into my pillow. I began to feel even more sorry for myself, even more angry and even more alone. I thought about Mike and how selfish I felt he was to stay home from the recital and how I had to deal with everything on my own. I thought about how lucky he was to have his Mom downstairs who was so worried about him and who cared so much for him. I thought about my own relationship with my Father which had sadly fallen apart little by little over the last couple years. I thought about my Mom and how different things would be if she was only still alive. Most of all.....I just cried. It was ugly.

All of a Sudden I felt as if someones arms were wrapped around me. I instantly felt so much warmth and comfort that I immediately stopped crying and felt peace. It was the most amazing experience I have ever experienced in my life.

I don't know if it was my Mom with me right then or the Savior, but what I do know is that I was very far from being alone. What a sweet and tender mercy. I was able to pull myself out of bed and take the kids to get the ice cream they rightfully deserved.

President Gordon B Hinkley once said.....

Be believing, be happy, don't get discouraged. This will work out.

I am so very grateful that we have Prophets on the earth today just as they were on the earth long ago. I am grateful for their words and their guidance. I know that life here on earth isn't easy...nor was it ever meant to be, but I know that if we Trust in the Lord instead of letting Fear consume us, we will be okay and things will work out.

For the record.........I am okay!! I don't want any "Oh my...I had no idea" comments!! lol Mike took medication for a whole 2 months (Longer then I had thought he would) and I am happy to report that he is doing much MUCH better.

I am just so very grateful for my Savior. I know that the beautiful gift I was given that night was what pulled me through. It was a tender mercy and a blessing from God. I knew at that moment when I felt someones arms around me.....that things would be okay and they were. I am grateful for the promptings I had that may have quite possibly saved my husbands life. I pray that as we go about our daily lives struggling to overcome our own trials and believe me.....we will have many.....that we will remember the wonderful scripture found in Proverbs 3:5-6 that reads:

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not to thine own understanding. In all ways acknowledge him, ans he shall direct thy paths.

I say these things in the name of our Savior Jesus Christ....Amen :)