Trying Harder

Okay so I know what you must be thinking. Why on earth after so many years is she still trying to keep this old dusty thing alive?? I know that's what your thinking because that's what I was thinking myself. Yes its been a few years but I do believe that its time I start focusing on writing down my thoughts and documenting our families experiences through journaling and organized photos.

How do I play catch up from the past few years when the mere thought makes me want to go hide under the covers? Yes....its THAT overwhelming. I thought I would just limit myself to 25 words to describe the past couple of years from start to finish.

Love, Fun, Stressful, Miraculous, School, Work, Heartbreak, Dedication, Peace, Humbling, Tender, Merciful, Love, Love and Love. Fun, Stress, Surgery, New Job, School, Fun, Stress, Love, Heartache, Charity.

Phew..that was hard.

As you can see our lives the past couple of years have been blessed with hard times, good times, stressful times, and lots and lots of fun times. One thing is for sure though through it all, we were surrounded by love and lots of it. We learned that we can do hard things, that we can strengthen each-other, comfort each other and truly understand that what is most important, Like President Monson has taught us, really does almost always involves the people around us. Do we fight? Ofcourse!!  Do I have to remind you there are 5 girls living under one roof?? Imagine for a moment....and then scream in horror. Yep, thats our life. Do we forgive? Everyday!!
So she pulled your hair and kicked you, (Sadly...It happens) Forgive her. So she snuck into your room and ate all the candy you got for your birthday (True Story) Forgive her. So she called you a horrible name out of anger. (Everyday occurrence) Forgive her!!! So I once again overreacted and made a bad decision.(All the time)  Forgive me. 

In the past few months however, I have noticed how quickly I place blame on myself when things don't go well. Pondering the past and how I should have done certain things differently is often daunting especially when I realize that a child's behavior is often a direct result from parenting. 
One lesson I learned at a very young age was to forgive and forget and move on. I can only hope that if my children can take one positive attribute from me, it would be that one. However, as easy is it is for me to forgive others, it isn't as easy to forgive myself. President Eyring said If you are on the right path, it will always be uphill. Why do we constantly try to make our hike up the hill so more difficult by carrying that extra burden of anger and contention?? Why is this so difficult though? And why does forgiving other sometimes come so much easier then forgiving yourself?

I don't know.

I don't know why we put so much pressure on ourselves to be sure that everything is always perfect and then feel worthless when the inevitable happens. I don't know how we wake up each morning and focus on the past instead of the future. I don't know why we constantly questioning the decisions we have made and how things would be different if you had only.....

What I do know is that we will always be tested, constantly learning, loving, forgiving, and making mistakes. We will grow from the mistakes we have made and from the trials we have been blessed with. It's not going to be easy, He never said it would be, He only said it would be worth it. I know that the most important thing is that we keep trying and that our future is as bright as our Faith.

I will try harder for Me, for Him and for Them.